


Look At Me

by Mogadorian_Wolf



Category: The Lorien Legacies - Pittacus Lore
Genre: F/M, Heartbreak, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-25 07:15:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4951411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mogadorian_Wolf/pseuds/Mogadorian_Wolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was the right thing to do. Setrakus liked here, and she like him. My feelings should never play a part in the decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Look At Me

He watched Celwe dance, entranced, just like everyone else. I know how it’ll all play out. They’ll go out, fall in love, get married, and he’ll forget all about me, but I won’t forget about him. I’ll look back on this day and wonder if I really did the right thing or if I was just some hopeless idiot. But they like each other, and isn’t that what love is? Wanting to see the other happy?

“You should just go for it,” I whispered, elbowing him. Look at me, not her. “She likes you. Everyone knows it.”

He frowns, letting the sand fall between his fingers. He doesn’t look at me; he never does. “So what? What would be the point? To fall in love and get married and have kids? She isn’t a Garde like us. Out worlds are just too different.” He rests his chin against his knees, still staring at her.

Look at me. I want to put an arm around him or tilt his head over to me, instead I play my part by countering: “She doesn’t seem to mind that. Looks to me like she’s having fun.”

He fell back on the sand, merely glancing at me. Look at me. “Why do we have Legacies while she doesn’t? It doesn’t seem fair that some should be stuck being so… normal. Do you ever think about that stuff?”

His eyes earnestly sought mine, but he didn’t look. How could you if you didn’t know you were supposed to? It wasn’t how we were supposed to work. I laid down beside him, holding out my palm to let a fiery image dance over it in the shape of Celwe, like I was supposed to. “Not really. It’s like asking why we’re born as boys or something like that.” Or why I’m in love with you.

He reached out hesitantly toward the fire, making it vanish as he used his own legacy. It’s crazy- how perfect this moment is. Celwe’s out of the picture, and it’s just the two of us. We could dance. I could almost imagine it, chest to chest, dancing in our own way. He would smile, and maybe… just maybe, I’d work up the nerve to kiss him, to tell him the truth. I could be selfish and take him all for myself.

I was abruptly jerked back from the dangerous dream by Celwe’s laugh drawing his eyes again. A panged went through my heart, and I complained, back on the subject at hand; I was supposed to be the good friend. 

“You know I hate it when you do that,” I complained softly, trying and probably failing to hide the pain. He glanced back at me, and his eyes shone as they met mine with that shamed and uncertain smile that burned at my insides, “No you don’t.”

I smiled back. Was he really looking at me? My heart sped up, and I took the daring chance when he didn’t look away, “Forget Celwe.” It was the most selfish thing I’d ever done.

PL PL PL

Only months later did I realize what a big mistake I’d made that night. He hadn’t really looked at me. At least he didn’t look at me again after that night. I had imagined it the first night. There had been nothing. He didn’t dance with me, we didn’t kiss, he didn’t stay until the early hours just to hang out with me. Yet I still held on hope.  
I hadn’t gone on a single date, and people had started giving me funny looks when I walked into school. The bright, self-confident, always out there, easy-going guy hasn’t asked anyone out, hasn’t shown any interest in anyone? It didn’t fit. How could I tell them that the one person I was interested in was destined to be with someone else? And yet… like a naïve child I held out hope.

We love for life. I should’ve known I never stood a chance. When I walked into school, there were so many whisper. Laridius came up to me with a bright smile. Since we were teens, he’d been trying to point out pretty girls that might interest me. He slung an arm around my shoulders, and I had the crazy thought that it might have been easier to love him. Then he broke my heart, or at least aided in it, “Pittacus! Have you heard? –Course you’ve heard. You two are tight. Celwe and Setrakus are finally dating!”

I didn’t even respond, just ran to his locker, hoping that it was some mistake. He would’ve at least told me, right? Unless, I’d pushed it too much that night. Unless he’d found out the truth and didn’t want to have anything to do with me. The cracks were already there.

They were right at his locker laughing. He leaned forward and kissed her, right in front of me. My heart shattered. I tried to tell myself that it was only because he didn’t bother telling me, that he seemed to have forgotten our friendship, but I knew that part of it was having to face the full truth, of seeing, that I could never have him. I ran full out of the place, leaving a confused Laridius in my wake. He called my name, but I prayed that he wouldn’t follow me; I didn’t need anyone to witness my misery, to witness me finally breaking down.

PL PL PL

I found myself on the beach where I thought there had been something; it had just been his friendship. The waves crashed in, and I took my shoes off and rolled my pants up, almost desperately, to wade in, to let the water wash away what I shouldn’t have, my mistake, my flaw. He hadn’t told me. I had to find out from the talk at school, had to be there to see him kiss her. He should’ve told me. I was less than nothing to him. And worse? I’d been the one to push him away. I’d taken it too far, showed him too much of the truth.

The moon hung over head, mocking me for being a fool to think he could ever look at me. I closed my eyes and let the fire out with the tears I didn’t deserve to shed. When I opened them again to look at the fire, they were the broken dreams I had dancing around me. Unguarded out here with the water to wash it all away, I let my whole soul be exposed to the world and watched the images with a deep painful longing. When I made the decision to push them together that night, I hadn’t realized how much it would hurt. But I hadn’t plan on exposing myself either that night. 

In those fiery images, we danced like I had imagined that night. He kissed me, and I happily returned it. We were happy, like I’d seen happy with Celwe. In those images, I was his one. Then the images blinked out, but not from my choice.

I turned to see Setrakus, my friend, my one love, standing there. He stepped forward, really looking at me. It took every bit of my will power not to burst into tears. I’d thought that last time, and I’d been wrong. His hand came up and brushed one of my tears away, “Why are you crying? You’re the one that urged me to ask her out.”

“And you didn’t think that you should at least share that new with your best friend?” The words came out biting, and I clenched my jaw shut to keep anything I didn’t want coming out from spilling over in the pain and anger, instead I shoved him. This was too much. All of it.

Brief anger flared in his eyes. I turned away from him, holding my breath to keep any noise from escaping. I was an idiot, but I was prepared this time. Let him do his worst. He gently touched my shoulder and ever-so-softly said my name. It hurt a thousand times worse to hear him say it like that. I had been an idiot, a complete and utter idiot. Not again. Not again.

I didn’t turn around, didn’t look at him. He sighed, “Look at me. Please.” It was nice to hear him say that, to hear him being the one pleading for a change, to hear him asking me to look at him. His voice broke every inch of my will power. I couldn’t resist turning around to face him, hoping like the idiot I was that I would see him looking at me. Last time, it hadn’t done any good. I kept hoping for something I knew I couldn’t have. His hand fell from my shoulder. He didn’t look at me, “It’s more than not just telling you… isn’t it?”

He seemed so uncertain of what he already knew, of what was maybe a little too obvious to see. I sighed and let my eyes wander up to the night sky, “I’m trying to be good to you, to make you happy, see you happy. You liked her. She liked you… I’m a hopeless idiot.”

“You aren’t an idiot,” he quickly rebunked. “You aren’t. You’re my best friend, and I’m the idiot for hurting. After everything, you stuck by me, even as the outcast I am, and all I do is hurt you. I’m so sorry, Pittacus. I’m so sorry for everything. I know you can’t forgive me. I know I ruined our friendship.” He was crying. It broke my heart. He cared about me. He really did. He had to.

I kissed him, and he stared at me wide eyed. One little mistake, and I changed everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I know Pittacus and Setrakus are supposed to be just their elder names, but they never gave their actual names in the book, and this way they're easier to identify.


End file.
